once i saw the owner of
two giant chows walking with the one
and so i thought the second dog was dead
it was usually the two of them
two giant black chows
and now one of them disappeared
i always dread someone dying
when they vanish from my field of vision
such a good dog
with dag-locks and smelly
just right amount
and so i thought about how
houses miss dogs
what was the favorite place of that black chow
which of the rugs smelled exactly like it
i imagined the rug with frills
kinda like the ones your grandma has
hung on every wall of her old shitty apartment
if you live in a post-soviet country
i do
and so then i imagined the bowl the dog drank from
it was most definitely metallic and
stood on this specific plastic shit
that you had in the kindergartens
placed under plates
(i googled how was it called and could
choose from “плейсмат”, “сервировочная салфетка”, “килим”
and plastic bullshit - someone dreamed of saying that too)
so the contents won’t pour out of the plate
or something dog-like won’t exit it too
when ___ happens
the dog refuses to be fed
or to sleep or to be near you
it moves in endless circles through
your apartment and keeps begging for something
when ___ happened
i sent you photos of my dog and that’s it
we only talked like that
i also want you to know about a dog
which suddenly follows me home
and i have this thought about you
following me like a dog
so i say
go home, please, go home
it licks my ankles and so
i’m convinced couches
were invented solely for dogs
i tell the dog how the house
will miss it
which is to say
i actually miss you more
than a house
i actually miss you more than
a street
or a neighbourhood with a
crappy bluish stadium
and even more
always smelly but smooth-coated
so its easier
walking down the stairs
clip-clopping with uncut claws
if you once wonder
how the dog feels
you should try licking your belly
lying down on hard wooden floor
near someone’s dirty house slippers
breath in and begin to lick the skin
anxiously
you can also half-bite your paw
there’s a chance it’s not clean
the belly is sacred so go back
lick it once more
then you finally can breath out
chomp if you’d like
feel the shaggy and bubbly surface
of the tongue
when we were young
and were about to fall asleep on my couch
the dog always lied down between us
trying to be our conductor
not the train one obviously
but a special
even a little electric
conductor
that’s how right it filled
the unsaid space between us
once i dream about how
the dog is covered with a green bus
while i stand waiting for the
right light to cross the road
and the scene is just so
similar to that in movies
when people see their whole life
in a flash
but it’s simply a shagged dog with me
and how is that fair?
this goddamned dog
so i end up hoping that
when the right light comes
the dog
this dog
my dog
will remain on the same spot
collar-chained with the road marking line
with the tongue
protruding
our tongue dripping out
that’s how tell a story:
blurt out a vow
while you’re asleep
there are multiple dogs
coming right before i’m going to bed
and my dog
also hears their presence
they make it check all the favorite stuff
all the toys and half-eaten bones
they make it drool in
random places
anger is a basic emotion
delete сцірай delete
my dog isn’t dumb
or at least it’s not as dumb as me
multiple shadow-like dogs
showed it the path
it circled the apartment from
3 to 9 times and found what was missing
of course it found what was missing
multiple dogs showed the path
nuzzling wet slick tongues
up the wooden floor stripes
and they will rot in a few days
newly a “bag” grew on the
dog’s neck
i was so worried
and also so insanely scared
to admit i know exactly
what made it appear
you definitely know that too, don’t you
we piled it all there
skin and bones ashes and dust
don’t you see
after all
i have to feel you breathing
on our shared pillow
hard as wood and so damn warm
we have to split our
dog’s snorting just
half-and-half
or else it will build up and build up
and one day you’ll call your mother
and she’ll tell you about an ugly bag
the vet will take all the shit out
ashes and dust skin and bones
and we’ll have to pick it up
in an absurdly pink bundle
and we’ll be so silent
so now i know the dogs with bandaged
necks don’t snort
it’s all about inventing a language placed
neatly between the braids of
your thin brown hair and
on the end slices of black bread
with green inflammations of mold
on dog’s hair hanging
from the toothbrush
on dog’s barks and
a scorched chin and
protruding tongue
keep that in mind while
i visit the vet again and again
alone or with my mother
but never with you
because i never get what i want
and also because
it will break my heart
so the dog
my dog is not black
and is definitely not chow
it’s more the other way round
i took it from the street
and it’s a little gangster-y
and a little too similar to the dog
i didn’t want
that scraped couches and
nipped the big toes
and was all in all just like me
loved you too much
cuddled your house slippers
drank the sand from floorcloth
and wrote a text about how
there’s not a single language for us
where we can be side-by-side
how is that fair?
i suppose this is a text about
vanished dogs
ashes and dust
skin and bones
the tongue we share and the
one we definitely don’t
which is to say
this is a text about me