C:\Users\gnight\Desktop\who am i\
Click on an image to read its description
An old-fashioned illustration of a red dragon wearing glasses and reading a book. The dragon is sitting on its tail, which is also being used to hold the book aloft. Aeries sometimes, but not always, wears glasses, usually when reading. While there is no “official” librarian for our headspace, Aeries will do tasks regarding its upkeep as needed.
Aeries (approx.).png
A view of a city. In the foreground is a park and a roughly-semicircular fountain. The sky is a clear gradient of blues. This is a view from the movie theater’s patio, where we worked to make ends meet. We saw many movies there with friends, but the plots have mostly been forgotten.
College years.png
A grey tabby with a large white patch on the chest/throat sitting on porch steps. Gin’s patterns aren’t the same as what’s in the picture, but it’s a close representation. At the time of writing, they are the only alter who might take on the form of the cat.
Gin (approx.).png
A black and white photograph of two kittens. They are wearing tiny dresses, sitting on tiny chairs, with a table between them. On the table is a tablecloth and a birthday cake with unlit candles. It is possible that you’re here, but not fully in control, as one of the littles is fronting. We have a number of ways to help soothe them, and this picture can help Luna laugh and remind her where and when she is.
Luna's favorite picture.png
A set of gold bracelets. They are in the shapes of eastern dragons and hold a pearl in their jaws. While we saw many things that day, this particular piece sticks out in our memory (mostly due to how certain alters responded to it). While we normally wouldn’t want to call attention to traumatic events, it always brings Set to/towards the front, and they will be able to help you.
The 8th grade fieldtrip where we were lost for several hours in an unfamiliar city.png
A colonial style house painted yellow with green shutters. There are two chimneys and the sky is a clear steely-blue. We spent a large part of our summer one year at our best friend’s family’s summer cottage. While only a few of us existed at that time, memories made here tend to be “shared” among all of us. These are all positive ones and can serve as a reminder that good people exist in the world.
The good summer.png
An artificial waterfall made out of many medium-sized rocks in a wooded area. There are thinner trees/bushes in the foreground as well as some bright pink flowers. This was our favorite spot in a park that was in a reasonable-enough walking distance from our apartment. We were unemployed at the time, and Set was burning out from fronting so much, so we tended to end up here, watch the water, and cease thinking.
The park 2 apartments ago.png
A yellow seahorse in an aquarium. Its tail is curled around some yellow coral/rock. This is one of the many pictures we took at the aquarium. This photo is nice because the background is so simple.
The roadtrip (1).png
A pier reaching out into the ocean. There are many gannets perched on it, some plovers, and a seagull. The ocean is calm and several small boats can be seen in the distance. The town had a lot of places on the water like this. Even though there were plenty of tourists, there were still places that were calm and nature could be in harmony with manmade structures.
The roadtrip (2).png
A statue of a pegasus rearing on its hind legs. It is on a fake rock pedestal and part of a minigolf course can be seen in front of it. One of the motels we stayed at had a minigolf course. We got last place, but this was perhaps the first time that didn’t bother us.
The roadtrip (3).png
An old-fashioned illustrated greeting card of a yellow chick breaking out of an egg. Another egg is behind it and they are surrounded by tiny, pink flowers. There is the text “an Easter offering.” We secretly took a Thanksgiving trip to our uncle’s one year in college. He worked in a press shop and collected a lot of “ephemera” like this. The whole trip gave us a strange feeling of nostalgia for something that never happened, but might have.
Upstate.png
README.txt
=================Welcome!================= Please take a good look at the images in this folder. If they do not trigger any names or memories, read on.
You’re probably scared and very confused, but it’ll be okay.
Hopefully, Set or Aeries will find their way back soon and can onboard you properly. But, until then, you’ll have to manage on your own.
=============Why You’re Here============== You are an alter (“personality”/headmate/etc.) residing in a body alongside several other individuals. This is our brain’s trauma response, via dissociative identity disorder (DID).
The body went through extreme trauma as a child, but you are now safe. There are several thousand miles between us and our abusers, and the body has a new face and a new name.
They won’t be able to find you. Remind yourself of this in case of a panic attack.
There is emergency medicine in an orange bottle, both in our work bag (green floral backpack) and on the desk you’re currently sitting at (by the dragon statue). Take it to bring your anxiety down to a tolerable level.
Something stressful is currently happening, so our brain “made” you to cope. This could be due to our job, or a fight with a friend. Or a medical issue, or a financial one. We can’t predict what event(s) our brain decides are “too much.” *You* might not even know what it is.
And it might feel like the end of the world, but it’s not.
We have survived much worse, and we will make it through this.
=================The Basics=============== You live @ 6100 Arroyo Ave Apt 215 Juniper Grove, CA.
The building code is 793 104# and the code for the apartment is 104 052#. Yes, this is insecure, but you don’t want to be locked out of the house.
This has even happened to Aeries, but she was able to use a mirror of this document on our phone to get in. It uses biometrics (face, fingerprint) so you can unlock it no matter how bad your amnesia is. If you need to buy anything, you can use tap to pay (phone must be unlocked first).
The current legal name of the body is Geoff Night. The body’s birthday is April 15, 1993 and is 30 years old. Your legal gender is either X or M (depends if it’s a local/state or federal document).
We understand that you might not identify with that name or those gender markers. But the world is either ignorant of or hostile to DID systems, so we must navigate the external world in the guise of a singular individual.
But among ourselves, you can identify and appear however you like. It’s okay if you haven’t decided what yet, but determining these can help create a sense of “self” that makes navigating life much easier.
There are some documents/bills/etc. that still have an F marker or the body’s previous name. Seeing those might bring up painful memories, but they’re only temporary. Look at the date on the computer/phone and remind yourself where/when you are.
====================Job=================== You work at Barnaby Events @ 100 85th St Suite 300 Juniper Grove, CA. You are an event coordinator, so you will fly, a lot, and deal with the TSA (see next section).
Your boss’s name is Connor McIntyre. If you are so amnestic/disconnected that you need to read this, DM him in Slack (rainbow + icon on white background) and say you are sick and need the day off. Do *not* give specifics. Say it’s a migraine, if needed.
Unless this happens at an event away from home. Which is the absolute worse-case scenario, and we haven’t figured out a solution for newbies that keeps everyone safe.
If that happens: see “Finding Help”
===================Airport================ Inside the suitcase is a packing list, use it. There is also a standard outfit to wear to the airport.
Do NOT deviate from it. The TSA could pull us aside for additional searches. It might bring someone else to the front, but re- traumatizing them will cause even more problems. Avoid that at all costs.
There’s a file on the first screen to the right on our phone with step-by-step instructions for traversing the airport. Follow them. The familiar locations/steps might trigger someone else to the front.
================Finding Help============== Do NOT ask your roommate. They do not “believe” in DID. Ask your friends (over text chat) instead on Telegram (white paper airplane).
But your best bet is looking for the rest of us in headspace. It usually looks like a castle with many rooms and a large courtyard. There is more to the world outside of the walls, but we spend most of our time in/on the castle grounds. Don’t wander off, please.
Gin resides in the keep, but usually ignores everyone. Aeries has mostly been with the littles recently, so look for them in the gardens. Set doesn’t have their own room, since they’re usually at “the front” (the battlements).
Since you are the one “in control” of the body, you are “fronting.” But if you’re unfamiliar with headspace, you’ll be fronting from an unknown location, which is why we aren’t currently “with” you.
Whatever you do, STAY OUT OF THE THRONE ROOM. There is a known issue in there we’ll deal with at some point (therapy is expensive)(please do not try to fix it yourself).
Anyone else you find should be able to help. They’ve been told to direct you to Set or Aeries. Some might be standoffish, but they’re not hostile.
===============Final Reminders============ ⍟ You ARE safe!!! You’re in California, you’re an adult (bodily/legally), and you have survived. ⍟ There is a shared “library” of knowledge/skills, and is always located just behind you. Use it early and often. ⍟ You are not alone. But existing isn’t enough for us to know where you are. We need to find each other. ⍟ There are snacks in the bottom drawer. ⍟ We can’t wait to meet you! -The Cælum System
Chase is a weird, queer, digital storyteller who writes weird, queer stories full of magic and monsters. He dropped out of chemical engineering to pursue a journalism degree and escape calculus. He draws inspiration from biology, chemistry, history, and whatever his neurochemicals are doing today. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where he wrangles spreadsheets and identifies his coworkers’ backyard birds. Find his writing and more at chasej.xyz